Love is like a machine… sometimes you need a good screw to fix it.
I’m trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie, but there are just too many holes in the plot.
A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, “Depends what’s in it for me.”
I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
I took a Viagra the other day. It got caught in my throat and all I ended up with was a stiff neck.
My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.
Sex on TV can’t hurt… unless you fall off.
I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught masturbating on the first day. Luckily my boss suggested we just wipe the slate clean. – Gary Delaney
When at the supermarket, I always pick the cashier who’s most likely to have sex with me. Always end up at self-checkout.
The young couple next door to me have recently made a sex-tape. Obviously, they don’t know that yet… – Gary Delaney